Today… What does one of those days mean to you??

I AM TRYING!

Well let me tell you what “One of those days” mean to me….

Today sadness has been my friend. Depressed that my life is changing. I know I shouldn’t be putting this on my blog. But this is part of life… MY LIFE!

Life is always changing… Well change is not always easy too! I am adapting to the NEW ME!

Will I be able to accept this I don’t know. I do know I have said I am adaptable, but I need to really look to my inner self and say “Are you ready to adapt?”

I think I am…. I hope I am!!

I love life even with these diseases I have. I learned to love life!

Just been very hard to know you want to do things but aren’t physically able to do them.

I have taken many steps back, for the better of my health. It has been the hardest decisions I have ever made since finding out I have Sarcoidosis…

I am fighting an inner battle to figure out my strength. I know it is there just have to find it again!

Just know I am always with the Rare Disease Community and will pick my battles. If I do step back from certain events or fights it is only because I need to get better.

I need to have an internal peace… I can honestly say I don’t know what that is! But I am looking for ways to get there.

I will leave it with this:

My new phrase is: ” I AM SCARED, BUT I AM TRYING!” That is all I know how to do!

My Sarcoidosis Story

You get that call you feared. You have cancer. Hours go by. You decide how you’re going to tell your family. You research treatments and statistics. You start to wonder if you’re going to die.

This was a reality for Frank Rivera.

In 2004 he started having breathing issues and couldn’t walk for any amount of time. He was also experiencing severe cough and pain in his lungs. After a biopsy showed lumps in his lungs his doctor would diagnose him with lung cancer.

Frank would later find out this was a misdiagnosis and would spend the next 4 years battling cancer he didn’t have, and enduring other medical complications due to the error.

“I received courses of chemotherapy and radiation. The treatments took their toll. At one point I weighed a mere 98 pounds.” Frank said.

In April 2011 an oncologist surgeon at Stony Brook Cancer Center in New York State correctly diagnosed Frank with a disease called Sarcoidosis.

According to the Foundation for Sarcoidosis Research (FSR), Sarcoidosis is an inflammatory disease characterized by the formation of tiny clumps of inflammatory cells—called granulomas—in one or more organs of the body. This disease is difficult to diagnose, and many patients suffer for years before arriving at the correct diagnosis.

Throughout his life Frank has witnessed the toll medical issues can take on a family.

When Frank was in kindergarten he was diagnosed with Childhood Leukemia in which he missed half of kindergarten through half of fourth grade. He would also end up in foster care after his mother had major heart surgery, 1 of 8 heart procedures she would have in his youth. It took a year until she was medically cleared to take care of her children again, but it wasn’t the last time Frank would spend time in foster care due to his mother’s medical condition.

He knew he was in for a fight.

In 2009, Frank met his now wife Diana online and moved to New York to be with her. He worked as an office for manager for a few years before owning his own concrete sealant distributor. In 2010 he learned that Diana was pregnant. Their daughter, Isabella Joy Rivera was born prematurely in January 2011. She died after a five days.

“It broke our hearts to the core. That was the hardest thing I ever dealt with, more difficult, even than being sick.” Frank said.

Frank said the difference between losing a loved one and watching someone you care about suffer, and being ill yourself, has to do with control. When he is sick, he feels that he has some control over the situation. But there is nothing worse than not being able to help a baby, your baby, born with no defenses. That is a feeling of total powerlessness, he said.

A few days after his daughter’s death Frank was back in the hospital for lower abdomen pain. After x-rays and CT scans the doctors told him it was his IBS acting up. He would return a few weeks later with the same stomach problems, as well as breathing problems. This is when Frank would find out he has Sarcoidosis.

The cancer treatments on top of the new medication Frank was taking to treat Sarcoidosis left him in the hospital for 25 days in late 2011. He would have his gallbladder removed along with a foot of his colon.

“I was on 40 mg of Prednisone as well as Klonopin and Mysoline for the tremors, Zoloft for depression, Protonix for the heartburn, and Advair for the lungs.” Frank said.

In 2012 Frank had another surgery to remove his colostomy bag. A few weeks later his colon ruptured, and he ended up with sepsis. The doctors told Diana that he had a 33% chance to live. He was on life support for 3 days during which the doctors reconnected the colostomy bag. When Frank woke up with a smile, the doctors told him it was a miracle he was alive. He would later have surgery for incisional hernia making it six surgeries over three years.

Last year (2017) Frank was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease.

Patients with Sarcoidosis can experience other complications associated with the disease and medicines according to FSR. Sarcoidosis is classified as an inflammatory disease, though it takes on many other diseases symptoms. This makes it difficult for doctors and researchers to determine the cause and produce a cure.

Recognizing through his own fight that patients need to be diligent in their own care by keeping up to date with new medications, treatments, and research, Frank started Sarcoidosis of Long Island nonprofit.

“We fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.” Frank said.

Sarcoidosis of Long Island is an advocate organization that works with local county, state and national government officials to gain recognition and raise awareness for the disease, according to their website (www.sarcoidosisofli.org).

Frank said starting the nonprofit was tough, but worth the challenge. He said that even if they can help one person it was worth it.

Frank’s organization has had three Sarcoidosis 5k Fun Runs, a movie fund raiser, and a Friendly’s Dinner fundraiser. Their 5th Annual Sarcoidosis of Long Island Awareness Walk is on April 20, 2019 in Mount Sinai, NY. The event is held in conjunction with walks all over the world supporting Sarcoidosis patients and research.

“I want everyone to know that no matter how hard this disease has affected my life, I will keep a smile on my face. Even though I am on disability, I know that it may have changed my life, but it won’t run my life. I refuse to give in to this disease. There are days where I cry and ask, ‘why me’. I just answer myself by saying God only gives you what you can handle.”

Through his organization Frank has worked with the state of New York to get a resolution passed making April Sarcoidosis Awareness Month. He has received a letter from President Barack Obama for his hard work and dedication and is working on a federal resolution with Senator Chuck Schumer to make April Sarcoidosis Awareness Month on a national level.

In 2016 he hosted the event A Day for Rare Diseases. The event featured speakers from all different aspects of the rare disease community including government officials.

Frank is currently working with Stony Brook University Hospital in Stony Brook, NY to host another Rare Disease Day. The event will help raise awareness for the 7000 rare diseases.

Frank has received several acclamations for his individual work and work through his nonprofit.

Frank was nominated by Global Genes, a nonprofit that serves the rare disease community, for advocate of the year. Global Genes has also nominated Frank for their annual Rare Champion of Hope award. He has also been nominated for four awards by WEGO Health partners, Patient Leader Hero as well as Best Kept Secret. He was also nominated by RDLA for advocate of the year.

In December 2017 Frank was named People of the Year in the newspaper organization TBR News Media six newspapers one being The Village Beacon Record News.

In 2018, Frank was interviewed by NBC Nightly News about the “Right To Try” bill. They did a whole segment on his struggles and strength dealing with these diseases.

Frank turned 51 last year. He said what defines him is his strength to carry on, and that Sarcoidosis is what he has not who he is. His mission in life is to help others that have diseases where on the outside you look fine, but on the inside the pain is unbearable.

“As I turned 50 I realized how much my past has made me who I am. It’s why I do what I do. I am a fighter. I am here because I am a fighter!” Frank said.

“I was told many times I wasn’t going to make it, but here I am.”

Frank said he owes it all to his mom. Watching her endure all the medical procedures throughout her like taught him to always fight. She was sick for most of her life and fought for Frank and her family.

Frank lives this every day.

Mental Health for a Rare Disease Patient

Hey all! I am writing this to show you my mental health journey!

I have been dealing with mental health and depression for a long time. Not just due to my Rare Disease conditions but due to life. Many people don’t know that about me.

You see me smile and being happy most of the times but for the most part that has been a defense mechanism for me. I am not always depressed, but I fight depression almost every day.

A little background on me is that I have been sick in so many different parts of my life. At the age of 5 I was diagnosed with childhood leukemia which kept me out of school from half of kindergarten until 4th grade. It was tough not being able to do things because you are tired. It did make me a smarter person though, because in that time I read (I am dating myself here), The World Book Encyclopedia from A-Z, the 1972 edition. Yes I am an old nerd!

I don’t say much about my childhood, because I was always told not to use it as an excuse. I don’t use it as an excuse but more as this is what brought me to where I am now.

I went through some rough things as a child:

  • My Mother was sick with Heart problems for as long as I can remember. She had over 8 or 9 open Heart operations. We were told too many times that she wouldn’t make it through the night. I remember one instance in particular that in 1975 my grandmother was told in front of my mom by the doctor that she wouldn’t make it through the night. Well the next day came and my Mom woke up and told the doctor to “F” you. I tell you about this because now you know where I get my fight from!
  • When living in Amityville NY, our house was robbed multiple times. Can you imagine being in the house being able to see the robbers then hearing your Mom scream because one of the robbers cut your Mom’s face? Well I can believe it! It is one of the worst scarred memories of my life.
  • Because my Mom was so sick our family, the children, had to go to foster care for a couple of years. My two older brothers went together to one house and My younger sister and I went together in different homes. The first home was very abusive, mostly mentally. I was locked in a room for 30 days straight, even though at the time I was still sick. There was more but out of respect for my family I won’t go into details. That may have also something to do with my inner strength.
  • We have fought as a family to move forward and get to where we want to be.

Some really great memories:

  • My Mom coming home from the hospital all those times! Especially when she was able to take us back from the foster home for good.
  • Moving to Centereach NY and playing all the time outside. We played so much sports. I loved being able to play sports with kids older than me and keeping up.
  • Starting to run for Centereach High School. So many great memories and being so competitive I loved beating people.

Now let me talk a bit about me and depression!

I have always been the strong one! I hardly ever show me feelings. I have to say I have been better with this now. Took me a long time to open to people. I thank my Counselor Debby for that, as well as my wife Diana.

I have always been smiling as a defense. I always really gravitate to the song “Tears of a Clown” by Smokey Robinson. That is me to a tea!

For a long time instead of facing my past I ran from it. Now that I face it more and more, I have realized that there is so much I have blocked out in my childhood life. Especially being sick as a child.

Now back to more current things.

I had to move away from my daughter in Oklahoma because her Mom’s family threatened my life even pointing a gun in my face. I kept in touch then her Mom’s family ran away from me. The only way I found out was looking on Google. Took me 4 yrs to get custody of my daughter. There was a lot of depression due to that. I really can’t go in depth but do know the depression was at the highest ever. I felt like I let my daughter down.

When I was diagnosed with “Cancer”. I went through a rough time, dealing with being constantly dealing wit the side effect of chemotherapy and radiation. I remember crying by myself while throwing up for days and not being able to eat. I remember going down to 98 pounds and just always being out of energy but trying to work through it. I never did have anyone to talk through this time. At least I had my daughter Savannah to keep me going!

So when I was told I was in “remission” I moved back to New York and moved in with Diana. All looked great! Diana got pregnant and we were having a girl! In January 3, 2011 we have a beautiful girl named Isabella, very premature. We were told she wouldn’t make it through the birth. She did! We were so happy! We knew we were in for a fight but fight she did. She fought for 5 days so hard but wasn’t able to fight anymore! The devastation of loosing our child can’t be described. It was so heart wrenching and brought up many internal problems for me.

At the end of January 2011, I ended up in the hospital with stomach problems. While there an X-Ray showed I had masses in my lungs. I was so devastated that I thought my “Cancer” came back. Low and behold it was a disease called Sarcoidosis. So now this started my ride of my life!

Due to Sarcoidosis being misdiagnosed as cancer for 7 years I wasn’t treated for it. Because of that I have Sarcoidosis in over 80% of my body! The pain caused by Sarcoidosis is so intense that I live with a pain tolerance of 7 every day. I have had 9 operations due to this disease including coming within inches of losing my life. In April 2012, I ended up with a hole in my colon with Sepsis in my whole body. I went in surgery on Monday morning and I don’t remember anything until the following Thursday. I was incubated that whole time.

With the disease about 2 1/2 years ago I was told they don’t have any more medicines to help me out with Sarcoidosis. That put me in a slide to where I contemplated suicide on too many days. So I was at least smart enough to ask for more help. I signed up myself in for a 72 hour watch in the hospital. The best decision of my life.

I felt like I was a burden to my wife and my daughter and they have been through enough of me weighing them down. I am on disability and we lost so much in salary as well as lost so much freedom because we didn’t know how I was going to feel each day. I was losing friends, I was losing me!

I know it is tough to do but it saved my life! To this day I still see a counselor and fight depression everyday.

I won’t lie as I write this my depression is at a very high level. So much stress of trying to please everyone but forgetting about me. I have had 2 mini strokes in 6 months. I was told to cut back my advocacy. It is something I love to do. Not just for me but to help so many others that deal with what I do on a daily basis.

I have been crying a lot more lately because things are setting in. Being told that it is not if but when I will have another stroke, but will it be mini we don’t know. Also the constant feeling dizzy and double vision has been very hard to deal with. I know I am not doing well and am not getting any better. It is a realization that is so tough to face. Mortality is something we never want to deal with but guess what? It is there!

Then to hear that you are even more limited is very tough!

I am always fighting battles everyday! The battle internally, the battles of people saying you look great, then the battle of people not believing you!

I am trying to fight for my life! I am truly trying to fight for others but I am really am fighting for my real life!!

Am I winning? I don’t know!!

I HEAR YOU! I AM ONE OF YOU! i HOPE BETWEEN THIS AND MY PROJECT I WILL BE ABLE TO HELP YOU!!

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