I have been very much an advocate for Mental Health not for notoriety at all. I believe it is important to me that people in all communities face the fact that your Mental Health is as important if not more important in your overall health.
Just to let you know everything I write on here are opinions, just that, my opinions. I don’t have a counseling background at all. What I write is only what I am thinking at the time. If it helps one person then it was all worth it. Just know when I do write it is never easy to put my thoughts on a screen. I am just saying nothing or no one in your life hasn’t had to make sacrifices and had something they had to face. What is that great saying? “Don’t judge a book by its Cover!” That is absolutely truth!
Mental health has been in the forefront lately, whether it is due to the pandemic, or athletes speaking up or just that many health communities are speaking up and trying to make sure that we address the need for mental health in our full body treatment.
Many people know how mental health has affected me personally. For those that don’t know in 2015, I thought about suicide. When I mean thought of I mean I planned it. I was ready to commit suicide. That sounds weird to say at times. I still tear up thinking about those times. If you know me you know that I carry out many of my plans. So it was and still is frightening. I am lucky I had and still have an amazing counselor who I called that day and she was able to talk me out of it and get immediate help. I went to the hospital and put myself in a seventy two hour watch. It helped.
Did it cure me? Of course not. Did it change me? Yes, but I won’t lie there are times still that I believe it, suicide, might be the best answer. It did put worries and troubles into more focus and made me capable to handle things better. Am I cured? ABSOLUTELY NO! Will I ever be cured? Now that is a question I probably will never ever be able to answer.
Mental health has so many components. I am not a counselor but as a chronically ill patient I know that my mental health is very complex. As a person who has been through so much as a child and adult just makes the complexity even higher. I understand many people have had it worse than I have. But mental health is all relative to what a person can take both physically or mentally. I will never compare myself to anyone, or say my experiences are better or worse than anyone else. We all go through life differently. Please never feel like your reasons of depression or anxiety is of less importance than anyone else. We all have our own battles in life. Just because our battles are different doesn’t make mine any more important than yours. We all have our own “boiling points” in life.
I have been dealing a lot with my “demons,” whether it is from what happened to me or I did myself, in the past and present. Let me first say I wrote the word “demons” and looking at it now I don’t believe that is the right word. There should be a better word, there probably is but I just can’t think of it now. So let’s go with this.
Life has been rough, don’t get me wrong I don’t use it a crutch or as an excuse at all. It was what it was. After looking back at it recently I thought that I probably had suicidal tendencies as a child, but never acted on them or even let anyone know it. One thing I have to say is I was and still am great at masking and hiding my true feelings. Nobody really knew what I was thinking. I know that it is not a good thing to do, but each person handles stress and anxiety differently. For me I put so much of my childhood away in the back of my mind so I wouldn’t have to think about it for a long time if not forever. My childhood is so spotted by my memories. It is sad. I want to remember but they haven’t come back. I guess that is a defense mechanism.
I know that now you can’t run away from pain both physical and mental pain. I face so much head on but there are more that I don’t want to face, or for that matter do I feel like I need to face. I know things in my past have affected who I am now. I am not running away from things at all. I just don’t want to rehash some things. I am not embarassed about anything. What I am is disappointed, sad, and outright done with things that have happened. I have so much to deal with that I don’t have the time or energy to bring up the past.
I have a couple things that I learned in life. Too many people judge you without even knowing the details. Also we can’t change the pass, all we can do is become a better person for it. Another thing is judge people by their actions not their what they say or what they did in the past. We all have things we arew not proud of, but if you judge that person by what they did and not what they are doing you truly miss out on how amazing that person could be. That goes to judging yourself as well. If you keep judging yourself on the hardest times you will never live the great times or acknowledge that you are a good person. I know that by experience. Believe me! Life isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t have to be a tragedy as well.
So let’s get back to the topic of Mental Health especially the stigma that it brings with it. First of al and most importantly if you need help with your mental health it doesn’t mean you are “crazy.” It also doesn’t mean you are “weak.” If anything it means you are “STRONG!” Why do I say that? One of the biggest strengths is to admit when you can’t do something on your own. Remaining vulnerable and the acknowledging of that vulnerability is a major step in life.
Stigmas in my opinion are just a way to be lazy and make excuses for something or someone that you don’t want to face. Stigmas are a terrible to use. It is a way to bring down another. Mental Health should not have a stigma of any kind to it. Our brains are an important part of our well being. I have said on many occasions that when you get sick either physically or mentally you have a couple of choices. You can roll into a ball and give up or you can fight. That is up to you and your brain to decide what is best for you.
I try to ask myself this question when something or someone challenges me. “Do you want to fight or do you want to give up?” Only you can answer that question and more importantly can decide what path you are going to walk. When you acknowledge that you can’t answer that question it is the first step toward strength and taking control of your life. Having a counselor can do so much for a person. Just having that someone that you can talk to you and offer suggestions with an open mind. When you are involved with making decisions when you are overwhelmed is almost impossible to do. So asking for help takes courage and strength.
I know this post says a lot and many people will be saying “Why did you write this? It goes back to the beginning, you are the only one who can decide your mental health. You can ask for help, but you are the one who decides how your mental health is going to help or deter your life.
Lately I have been going through a lot. You might say “Don’t you go through hard times a lot?” Yes I guess I do, but some times are harder than others, both physically and mentally.
As much as I write this for others I also write these for me. It is also to make sure my mind is in the right place. I am just like you guys, I have hard times just like everyone else. If I didn’t I would be lying. I have fights with myself very often. When you live with depression and anxiety your battle within never stops. What one does or doesn’t do is that contollable aspect of your life.
I have come to a realization that nobody’s life is perfect, or neither is mine and it never will be. What can be controlled is the fact of how you fight and what you fight to make your life perfect for you. When I say “Perfect for you” I mean in the sense of what will make your life better, what will make you happy. We all search for perfection, it is a concept that I finally understand that perfection is not totally attainable, but happiness can be if you let yourself be okay with what happiness is for you now.
“It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.”― Steve Maraboli
“It doesn’t have to take over your life, it doesn’t have to define you as a person, it’s just important that you ask for help. It’s not a sign of weakness.” — Demi Lovato
“Your illness does not define you. Your strength and courage does.” –Unknown